LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands  become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch
or you’ll have to  pee.

Law of  the Telephone:
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy  signal.

Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work  because you had a flat tire,
the very next morning you will have a flat  tire.

Variation Law:
If you
change lines (or traffic lanes), the one  you were in will start to
move faster than the one you are in now   (works every time).

Law of the Bath :
When the body is fully immersed  in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:
The  probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with
someone  you don’t want to be seen with

Law of the Result:
When you try to  prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of  Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the  reach.

Law of the Theatre:
At any event, the people whose seats are  furthest from the aisle arrive last..

Law of Coffee:
As soon as
you  sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do
something which  will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers:
If there  are only two people in a locker room, they will have  adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs/Carpets:
The chances
of an open-faced  jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering
are directly correlated  to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical  Argument:
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking  about.

Brown’s Law:
If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

Oliver’s  Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.